I’d Like A Large Cup of English, Please

So the other day I went to my favorite place, Dunkin’ Donuts, to order my regular: a large black coffee. At the same time I was hit with an intense

Coffee Coolata

Dunkin Donuts Famous Coffee Coolatta

desire to have a (small) Coffee Coolatta. I rarely finish even a small one, so I wish they had “baby” size like the cones you can get at ice cream stands. But oh well. I hadn’t had one in a long time and the desire was strong.

But wait. This Dunkin’ Donuts is notorious (to me) for not mixing the Coolatta well. They usually stick it in that blender for maybe 3 seconds and plop it on the counter. (This is why I only like the Honesdale Dunkin’. Those people know how to make a good Coolatta.)

So when I pulled up to the drive-thru I thought I’d see if I could make them understand what I want.

The lady who is usually at the drive-thru window here is very smiley. She smiles a lot. She makes me feel like she is SO happy to see me. But I wish she had a better understanding of English.  She understands the menu items as they are and that’s about it.

Me: “I’d like a large black coffee.”

She: “Yes! Sugar?”

Me: “NO! No sugar!”

She “Yes, no sugar. Something else?”

Me: “I would like a small Coffee Coolatta…..” and I start to say “MIXED VERY WELL” but she cuts me off.

She: “Whip cream, yes?”

Me: “No, NO whip cream.”

She: “Okay, no whip cream.”

Me: “Please make sure the coolatta is MIXED VERY WELL.”

She: “Yes, yes, yes, no whip cream! Drive round!”

Me: Sigh.

I get to the window and her cheerful smiling face hands me my large black coffee. I am happy to report there is no sugar. Then, still with the gracious, grandmotherly smile, she hands me my coolatta.

With so much whip cream, it’s coming out the little hole in the lid.

Oh well. It would be nice if she could understand what I wanted, but she’s so nice about it I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and send it back and possibly get her in trouble.

I suppose if this is the biggest annoyance I have to deal with today, then I’m doing all right.


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